So Call Me Stupid
by Neko-chan -Silvered Tongue
Summary: What happens when Suze's mom gives her a journal and she actually writes in it? And what happens when she tells a very important secret and a certain ghost just happens to find it? (Please be nice....this is my first Mediator fic! ^.^;;)


So Call Me Stupid

By: Neko-chan

  
  


Disclaimer: I don't own The Mediator. So don't sue!!! Anyways......this is my first fan fic for this particular book series, and I hope that everyone likes it! I'm planning on writing more (when I get time.....*sighs*), and I hope that you guys like my work! Ja!

**Suze's Journal**

Well.....today, mom gave me this journal.....saying that if I don't want to talk about my personal life to her....then I should at least write them down. What a stupid idea!! I mean me, Suze, having a personal life? HA! What a joke!! My life compromises of these things: school, home, work, and mediator stuff. That's it. Pretty boring, don't you think? But.....oh, well. If it'd make mom happy......then I guess I can at least put a couple of entries in.......it'd never hurt.

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I did it. I committed the ultimate "No-No" rule are a mediator. I promised myself that I wouldn't do it. Unfortunately, I was lying to myself. I fell in love. And not just with anyone. Oh, no. Things couldn't possibly be that simple! I fell in love with an impossibility. After all, how can you love a ghost?

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I guess that falling in love with Jesse was a gradual thing. I don't really know. I've always noticed little things about him; things that I don't notice when I'm around other guys. I mean......things like how his stomach muscles ripple when he moves (I've always loved that shirt, with good reason), or how his eyes crinkle when he smiles at me and calls me his "querida." Or how his scar always seems to glow when he's scared for me or mad at me. The latter seems to happen a lot.......

Anyways, while we're on the subject of this 'querida' nickname.......I've finally found out what it means. Well.......I didn't actually find out........but, hey!! If YOU had a genius for a stepbrother, wouldn't you make him do your research, too? Thought so. Anyways.......Doc told me that 'querida' means sweetheart. That.....that.....that GHOST has been calling me sweetheart all this time and he doesn't bother to tell me?! 

But then again.......does giving me a nickname like 'sweetheart' means that he likes, or even possibly loves, me back? It'd be wonderful.....but I don't ever think that that would ever happen. 

I know that this sounds totally clichéd..........but, it IS impossible. Even if he DID love me back......there's no way in hell that we'd ever be able to get together. Can you just imagine it? Standing at the alter, looking at the priest (I always imagine Father Dom doing the ceremony for some reason......) expectantly. He blinks and begins the ceremony. Next thing you know, it's time for the vows. GASP!! But where's the groom?! He was right in front of everyone the entire ceremony!!

So call me stupid, okay? I already KNOW that I'm an idiot. After all, only a true 'estupido' (as Jesse would say.....) would fall in love with a ghost. And I am the ULTIMATE estupida. (Doc told me that Spanish nouns in either 'o' or 'a' when they refer to a masculine or feminine thing. Slowly but surely, I'm learning a new language! Watch out Jesse!! Soon, you won't be the ONLY one who can curse in Spanish!!)

Anyways.......I guess that's it. I never nothing more to write. That's my deepest secret; no one knows about it. Doc may guess.......but I'll never tell him the truth. No one will ever know. EVER.

----Suze

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_Dear Querida:_

_I know that I wasn't supposed to look at this journal (you stated that most vehemently), but I couldn't help myself this one time. You left it out on your bed when you left for school this morning, and the temptation proved too great to handle. Lo siento._

_As I read your journal entries, I became more and more shocked. It is true, that saying: Males are blind to the signs of love. I am included in this saying. I never knew, querida. Never. Why didn't you tell me? You're usually more outspoken. When you have an opinion about something, you ALWAYS let it be known. (And I know that I'll regret those words later on, when you read my reply to your journal.)_

_But I, too, have a secret that I have never told you. I'm sure you already know at least some things about my past. Both you and 'Doc' are more resourceful, and go to extreme measures when you want to know something._

_When I was still alive, I was to be married. I'm sure you already know this. But, this is something that you don't know: It was an arranged marriage, and I never loved the one I was to be married to. Knowing you, you probably thought that I was madly in love with her, and that my heart was broken when I found out (the hard way) that she loved another. But this isn't true. I never loved her, so how could my heart be broken? It is, as you say, an impossibility. _

_But I do love someone, querida. The smartest, bravest, prettiest, most fool-hardy girl that I have ever met. You. I love you, my querida. I have since the first day that I saw you, and I always will. I do realize that we'll never be together.....but sometimes, Dios may just surprise you. After all, He stands for love and second chances. And so, all we can do is pray. And love. Most importantly: love._

_Sincerely,_

_Jesse_

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Too bad not everything can end happily-ever-after.........


End file.
